Damaged Goods

Damaged Goods Still Have A Purpose!

Retired Life

I’m what you would have called a third generation baker. Only, because my dad, grandfather and various other family members were bakers. After my dad passed away, I started my own bakery business because of the fond memories I had growing up. It was captivating watching a cake scene come to life. So this is where I started teaching children. I taught youth of all ages. I taught them how to decorate using their own imagination. I provided a safe place for them to bring their friends and family.

Trafficked Youth

I wanted to protect girls who were being trafficked. This mission of mine led me to working on and off the streets with the girls being trafficked. Prior to doing this I had obtained training. I got involved with gang awareness and prevention. We went into the Sacramento juvenile hall to teach in a group setting. I also worked one on one with the girls in and out of the juvenile hall. Then I decided to become a correctional officer and passed rigorous tests to end up not going that direction for many reasons which make even more sense now.

Then, to me making a big mistake, losing myself, my sanity, my well being got worse and this included my mental health. When I got involved with this particular non profit agency I held a couple different emergency disaster positions. My first supervisor was an officers child, I was discriminated against because I was not a family member. Needless to say I won multiple suits against them because they continually put my life in danger, working me 15-19 hours a day. I was physically injured and so much more transpired. They didn’t follow employment laws; Osha, DOT, Industrial Affairs, etc. The Worker Comp Judge found the employer at fault. Recently EEOC state and the federal government issued a right to sue.

I’ve sought out counseling because I suffered so much including ongoing panic attacks to having a nervous breakdown while I was driving the company vehicle. Anxiety and depression set in. I’ve since learned so much when it comes to being an employee and my well-being.

In 2021 I decided to become a substance abuse counselor to help people with their addictions. I’ve seen parents lose their infants, children and family members because of their additions. I’ve worked in a 24 hour facility I taught the clients in a group setting and worked one on one with clients. I worked with women and men. I’ve seen people at their rock bottom and I’ve seen family reunification take place. I’ve seen clients in fear when it came to the sheriff department. Some were running from the law, some were on probation and some had upcoming court dates. I’ve driven clients to various appointments. I’ve heard so many stories that would make your skin crawl.

I’ve since decided to blog about all the ongoing trials, tribulations, lessons and victories achieved. I too have experienced so much when it comes to heartache. Only God knows what is next! My mission is to see others learn and grow and I am protective of those under my care.


We’re All Going To Look

We’re all going to look back someday and wished that we hadn’t walked in the wilderness for 40 years as a lost child.

Escaping From What I Kept Locked Up

As a child we know how to dream, we are creative and we trust others easily. When something really bad happens to us we learn how to bury things deep inside, as if it didn’t happen. As a young child I was always conjuring up ideas on how to change my world. I loved nature so much I would flee to our small little forest all to escape.
I was around seven years old when I was playing outside with the neighborhood kids. Nothing odd or strange about that, I played with these kids in our neighborhood all the time. There was a particular day when a van was part of our play day. The van was parked in a vacant space a little ways from our home. Sometime had passed when I heard my mom calling my name. I couldn’t answer nor, could I come to her. My mom’s voice became more frantic. I still couldn’t answer or come. Eventually, when I was released and able to return home I got into a lot of trouble. I didn’t know what to do or to say except to pay the consequences for not coming when called. How would I or could I tell my family what happened? I couldn’t tell them so, I kept it locked up inside, or so, I thought.

The Foundation of Forgiveness

Matthew 18:21-35
For followers of Christ, the goal is to become increasingly like Him, and one of the best ways to reflect His character is through forgiveness. Yet sometimes this is a quality we are reluctant to demonstrate because it seems so unfair, especially if the wrong done to us is ongoing or particularly painful. To forgive appears to diminish the offense and counteract justice.

The foundation for our forgiveness of others is God’s forgiveness of us

Today’s passage contains a parable in which a man is forgiven a sum too exorbitant to repay. Yet he turns around and demands immediate payment from someone who owes him a small amount. That’s what we are like when we think others’ wrongs against us must be avenged even though God has forgiven us.

Un-forgiveness torments us, not the wrongdoer

It’s a caustic poison within us that corrupts our emotions, stunts us spiritually, and stresses our bodies. When we don’t release the offender, we end up imprisoned in bitterness, resentment, and hostility—and that is sin.

Forgiveness doesn’t negate the wrong done to us.

It doesn’t deny the offense or the resulting pain but let’s go of the right to get even. Vengeance is God’s responsibility, not ours (Romans 12:19). We don’t have all the facts, nor can we know the offender’s true motive. Only God can judge accurately and fairly. When Jesus suffered the ultimate injustice of the cross, He entrusted Himself to the Father (1 Peter 2:21-24). Can you follow His example and trust God with wrongs done to you?

When we learn how to forgive we will no longer feel like a prisoner.

Our Tongue

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts.

Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.

But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
James 3:1‭-‬18 NIV

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.

You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God?

Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace.

That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it.

When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.

What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. James 4:1‭-‬17 NIV


Posted in Baked Ingredients Versatility, relationships

Imperfect Changes


Photo by Rodrigo Souza on Pexels.com

Imperfect changes are slow steps to progress that are wrapped in Grace.

  • It’s okay to have setbacks!
  • It’s okay to have do-overs even if it takes making baby steps.
  • Erase it!
  • Stop rehashing it! – that comes from a learned behavior
  • Refresh!
  • How I react is hard for me! But, hard doesn’t mean impossible!

Lessons Learned

  1. Strategies Discovered
  2. Scriptures Applied
  3. Imperfections understood and grace embraced
  4. Peace found – misplaced flaws – admitted and forgiveness remembered = Progress

Changing Our Thought Patterns

Random thoughts are not tied to an emotion we retain the ones we think often that have an emotion tied to the thought pattern the memory trace grows stronger

Romans 12:2

Instead of saying I’m a mess etc. Let God chisel me like he did with David so I can leave the dark places of being stuck and come into the light of who he designed me to be!

1 Peter 2:4-5,9

Before My Life Changed To What It Is Now

Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. 1 Peter 3:15. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. 1 Peter 3:16 The Christian’s Story is about our relationship with Jesus, His grace and truth in our lives. Telling your story involves explaining why you have Hope and to live a life of confidence. Our story is meant to be offered as an Unconditional gift for relationships Acts 22: 1 Brothers and esteemed fathers, listen to me as I offer my defense. Acts 22:2 When they heard him speaking in their own language Aramaic, the silence was even greater. Acts 22:3 Then Paul said, I am a Jew, born in Tarsus a city in Cillicia, and I was brought up and educated here in Jerusalem under Gamalioel. As his student, I was carefully trained in our Jewish laws and customs. I became very zealous to honor God in everything I did, just like all of you today. When human beings began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them. Genesis 6:1 When human beings began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them. Genesis 6:1

What Stuff Is Present

  • Are you guilty of stuffing?
  • Don’t be held hostage by old thought patterns

2 Corinthians 10:5

  • I have a choice to have destructive thoughts or constructive thoughts right now!
  • God help me see good even when I don’t feel good!
  • I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control! I have to believe it!
  • When I can’t immediately see the good, loosening my grip becomes a matter of trust. God is there and that He is out to do me good, I can stop freaking out trying to fix everything on my own. God is in control which means I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control.


Paul was Gods workmanship. We are gods workmanship! God is chiseling us, making us new, releasing us from our hard places those places that make us feel so stink-in defeated so we can do good works, works God has prepared for us which means he knows best how to prepare in us the character we need to fulfill our calling. Oh that we might hear the purposeful clink of master’s chisel and call it Grace. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. We are Gods workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10

Posted in life

Experience Something

My father brought me under his wing and started teaching me how to do some of his work.  Breads, Danish, cookies and the all time famous custard filled Beehive.

My father tried teaching me how to make the recipes, but, there was a problem with doing the recipes, because, I did not have the muscles to lift the 40+ quart bowls full of the ingredients.

I had to work with the scaled off sizes, which was helping but, it has been a very hard task to fulfill when it comes to baking these days or being able to be called a baker, you must understand why you are using certain ingredients and the results of the product, like the rising and falling of an item.  This is where they say you need to know the science behind it.

I guess I could learn it now, but, what is the point right?  I am old, what is there to gain from it now?  Not true, there is always a need for it, you may need to make your own bread at home or you may need to teach someone else, so others are able to fend and feed themselves.  Knowledge is gained when you make food from scratch, and why not try using healthy ingredients like whole grains and fruit.

We can ingest items but, we must be cautious by not over indulging in them.  Speaking of which, I used to eat our baked goods, but, I worked out too, at this time I was the smallest I have ever been in life.  Do all things in moderation and remember that exercise is a great stress reliever  we all need to do some sort of exercise, remain fit, don’t be a couch potato there is no benefits to that.

Try Something Different

Be unique by trying something different, why hold out for something you truly want, what are the advantages and disadvantages of experiencing something?

Posted in life

It all starts with a slow leak

Challenging Leaks

If you start seeing these (signs) leaks, you are now aware and know that you must remain distant! These.small leaks can lead to catastrophic events.

How are you:

  • keeping it all together under the circumstances?
  • able to work?
  • staying positive?
  • living with it?
  • going about your daily life?

I thought I knew the reason why I was able to actually function through such a tragic event.

My Thoughts

  • My thoughts about my desire to continue on with my daily life was multifaceted. I thought it was because, I was strong. or because, I have children.
  • I’m supposed to take the bull by the horns and forge ahead.
  • I thought it was because I am being responsible, why would I let______drown me or should I say take control of me.

Slow Leak

Their true character will leak out eventually

  • An individuals true character can and will hide only for so long.
  • The derogatory remarks start coming out of their mouths about you.
  • Belittling words start to leak out here and there.
  • Their mannerisms start to come out too
  • True character starts appearing like a leaky faucet.
  • These individuals presents themselves to you like they are well put together but the inner presence (evil spirit) comes out here and there, anger, rage, control, Narcissistic behaviors.

Its All About Them!

They love to flatter you

  • they flaunt about having money, they
  • buy you things, they
  • boast about how they are successful, they
  • brag all the time about themselves.

They say hurtful things to you

  • they start talking about your appearance,
  • how you speak, how you talk with and to others, they
  • tell you are not doing this right or that right.

The Game of Blame when you try talking to them about how you are feeling and how you will never live up to their expectations, they start saying mean things, they make you feel like you are worth nothing, they blame you for their messiness, etc.

It’s over or is it? You decide you are done, you want to leave but, they talk you out of it. They even tell you that you are going to regret this decision of yours, they beg and plea with you to stay, things go well for a bit, then the cycle starts again.

  1. How many times are you going to repeat these events with (this particular type of person)?
  2. When is enough, enough?
  3. What can I do to remove my self from these elements?

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”Joshua 1.9

This is why I was able to survive and remain steadfast.

Am I Not Worthy?

  1. Do you know the pain I am in? Yet, I know I have been given opportunities to repent.
  2. Was my creation not important enough to you to seek out and ask for my forgiveness? When things were silent (meaning I didn’t bring it up), you took full advantage of me. You filled your void with your own creation. You did not seek or ask my creation to forgive you. You have made accusations, assumptions, condemned, avoided and used others against me.
  3. How much better do you know me now?

Vanlife: Earn Extra Money While Living on the Road

A look at a number of ways to start earning income, remotely, while traveling The topic of money often comes up when discussing van life. The fact of the matter is there isn’t a one-size fits all solution to earn a living while living on the road. However, there are many options to bring in […]

Vanlife: Earn Extra Money While Living on the Road